I sat there and watched the sea

Tonight I went to the sea.

Not to fish, although I took a rod with me. The truth is, I went because I needed somewhere to think. Somewhere to sit with the hurt I've caused and be honest with myself. I wanted a break from my own thoughts, if only for a while. 

I sat and watched the sea as the sun went down. The waves came and went. The tide carried on doing what it always does. For a while, it helped quieten things in my head. As it got dark, the stars appeared and everything became still. No fish came. I wasn't expecting them to. I didn't feel as though I deserved to catch anything anyway.

So I sat there and watched the water.

For a little while, the weight I’ve been carrying felt lighter. Not gone, just easier to carry. The sea didn't give me answers. It didn't tell me what to do. It just gave me some space to think. But the difficult decisions are still there waiting for me. They haven't gone away. Soon I’ll have to make a choice, and that's the hardest part. Knowing that there may not be a right answer, only consequences that I'll have to live with. 

When I left, I took one last look at the water before heading home. I went there looking for an escape. I didn't find one. What I found was a little peace and, for now, I'm hoping that's enough to help me take the next step.